hile many are still reeling from the recent painful Penn State scandal, I fervently hope that this will be a tremendous learning lesson for our society. As a treatment professional of sex offenders as well as victims, I would like to address some dynamics of perpetrators and witnesses that the public in general is perhaps unaware of.
What do child molesters look like? Your grandfather, your brother, your aunt, your employee, and yes, brilliant college football coaches. No one is all good or all bad; and sex offenders are no exception. They may be extremely talented, intelligent, successful, good-looking, blessed with beautiful families and “normal” sexual outlets. They cover all walks of life: early 20’s through 70’s, all ethnicities, races, religions, IQ levels, education, sexual orientations, and all socioeconomic strata. They don’t all look like “perverts.” There is no typical profile.
In psychology, there is a basic belief that “What is beautiful is good.” Therefore, if someone who is beautiful (or does beautiful things) does something bad, it creates cognitive dissonance, a confused state of being that can block comprehension and appropriate action. It is fairly easy for us to believe that an unattractive, low-achiever could commit sex crimes against children, and we then vilify the “pervert,” even after he/she admits it works to control it.
Many child molesters and pedophiles actually hate themselves for what they consider uncontrollable urges and would get help if they knew where to turn. Sadly, the global belief is that they cannot be helped, and most reoffend. Fortunately, this is completely false. With treatment, the recidivism rate is between 5%-13%, much lower than for non-sex crimes (US Dept of Justice; Bureau of Statistics). While there is no cure for an attraction to children, it can be managed much like substance addictions. Again, therapy and support are crucial to success.
Adults fail to intervene and report abuse for a variety of reasons, one of the most salient being denial or minimization of the offense. This is enabling, and enablers are more culpable than offenders, who can be “crippled” by their disorder. Enablers do not want the offense to be a reality, and keenly hope that it will just “go away,” particularly if it involves a celebrity or someone we really admire. The American culture all but deifies sports figures. We want heroes, and athletes and coaches bespeak health, fitness, confidence, winning, and an all- American wholesomeness that blinds some of us to their blemishes or weaknesses. While not excusing their response to the recent accusations at Penn State, Joe Paterno, Mike McQueary, Spanier, et al, I believe, were caught in this immobilizing, enabling position. While it appears that they put football before the wellbeing of children, potentially what was occurring was their inability to comprehend the severity of the crime and respond appropriately. Their actions may have been completely different and appropriate if the perpetrator were a stranger and not part of the success machine of Penn State Football.
Let us all use this tragedy as an opportunity to learn proper protocol for reporting abuse, even when an abuser attempts to exploit his/her position. Sexual abuse affects us all. This is a public health issue that can be resolved when the media and public move beyond sensationalism. Let’s offer help not only to the victims, but also to the abusers, for the best way to help victims is to help abusers. Let’s focus on accountability, responsibility, solutions, and management vs. blame, demonizing, and retribution.
Wellness For The Real World – Keeping Family Secrets
I recently appeared on Wellness For The Real World with Dr. Veronica Anderson. The show currently has 26 million weekly listeners worldwide, with 7 million of those listeners representing the United States. Dr. Veronica and I, along with other guests during the show, discussed “Keeping Family Secrets”.
Do you have deep dark secrets in your family? Skeletons in the closet? A child born out of wedlock, an adopted child who never knew it, a prison term, a marriage outside the expected race or religion, maybe a second family unbeknownst to all? What has keeping these secrets done to you? What has it done to others? We’ll talk with experts and those who’ve kept their silences for years.
To listen to the show please click visit http://www.blogtalkradio.com/wellnessfortherealworld/2011/12/21/keeping-family-secrets
Categorized in Family and Press/Media
Tags: appearance, blog talk radio, commentary, Dr. Nancy Irwin, dr. veronica anderson, family, feature, media, old grumpy radio, radio, secrets, talk, therapy, wellness for the real world